This person had the power to decide which way the relationship was going, which makes the date an audition. That’s pretty jacked up, though, when you consider that this would make the other party the authority. Some will argue that sex gave the other party the ‘wrong impression’. Our I-did-this-so-why-didn’t-they-do-that mentality would derail our life. Still, if we were to break down or take a week off work every time our numbers didn’t come through, we’d set ourselves up for a great deal of pain. If we weren’t in a relationship at the time, how can we lose or harm something we didn’t have in the first place? Surely if the deal depended on both parties not sleeping together, sex wouldn’t even be on the table? Now, I’m not saying that dating is like the lottery. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have jeopardised the relationship. Baggage Reclaimers’ big example of this is variations of, I ‘put out’ after X hours/days/dates/weeks/months. It then becomes a rule for our future behaviour. As a result, when we experience disappointment and we’re of the inclination to analyse where we think we effed up (based on the assumption that disappointment’s caused by us not doing the ‘right’ actions to steer the outcome to the correct one), we latch on to our supposed error. We give ourselves too much credit for being in control of stuff that we’re not. Sometimes, if not often, we’re too quick to convince ourselves that we’re the architect of our own failure.
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